


Waiting On A Different Story

by BlodkruWrites



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: ALL THE ANGST, Amnesia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Tumblr Post, Break Up, Canon Compliant, Clarke Griffin & John Murphy Friendship, Clarke and Murphy bromance, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post Season 5, Post-Canon, Temporary Amnesia, Tumblr Prompt, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-07-15 01:11:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16052363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlodkruWrites/pseuds/BlodkruWrites
Summary: Based on the tumblr post:Bellamy gets amnesia do to a rough landing onto the new planet.He doesn't understand why he feels the way he does about Clarke, who insists they are not and were never together. There is so much going on, he feels like a child trying to piece things together. Where is his sister? Why are they on a ship that isn't the Ark? What is this new planet? And what does everyone mean it's been 131 years since he was on the Ark?--------------------------For Julia on tumblr.





	1. 2281

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, so this was meant to be a one-shot. It span wildly out of control. I'm actually suppose to be writing a completely different fic right now. The actual prompt was sent to @clarkegriffinfrostedtitties and I responded saying I cried and would write it. I got told I should write it and well, here we are. The ACTUAL prompt is:  
> Bellamy getting amnesia after a rough landing on the new planet bc ANGST and him not understanding why he feels the way he does about clarke and him being angry bc he thinks she’s lying when she says they were never anything and he yells “I was in love you! I don’t know about you but I was, i- I can feel it I still do.” And clarke has tears running down her face and she whispers “you can’t be in love with me, bellamy. you don’t even know who I am."
> 
> Have fun reading!

  
Murphy is the first person to notice. Maybe it’s because he’s sitting right next to Bellamy, but he can tell something is incredibly off. He heard the smacking sound through his hazmat helmet when they landed.  


Well, sort of landing. No one knew what the atmosphere of this new planet was like. Raven had said it would be shotty at best; even with her, Emori, and Shaw. None of them knew if the planet was similar enough to Earth that a landing could happen safely. They didn’t even know _where_ they would be landing. They could have ended up in some desolate desert. Or an ocean. Murphy wasn’t sure which he would have preferred when they did finally land.  


Though he’s the first to notice something is wrong, Murphy isn’t the first to react. It’s Clarke, of course, that does. She was sitting on the other side of Bellamy. “Bellamy?” A slight panic echoed her tone. She pulled at her harness until it released- which Raven yelled at her for- and leaned forward to shake Bellamy. “Bellamy wake up.” Panic filled the small dropship. It’s only the three of them, Raven, and Shaw. And Jordan. Who is sitting in his seat looking like he might hurl any second. Poor kid.  


They thought it was best to keep the other’s asleep until they knew for sure what was going on with this new planet. Bellamy and Clarke agreed to wake up Echo and Diyoza as well. There had been a moment of hesitance when it came to Octavia and Madi. That was quickly fixed. Both would stay in cryo; no need to wake up the Red Queen and Commander just yet. Echo had refused to stay behind. She nearly snuck onto the dropship if it hadn’t been for Shaw. One look from the pilot and she had swallowed her pride and stayed. Diyoza hadn’t understood why she had been woken up out of everyone. She did come to terms with her, sadly, being the most reliable “adult” out of the group when she was brought up to speed. As long as her daughter was safe, Charmaine was willing to watch over the others. And not feud with Echo. For now. She had made that clear. Emori had promised to keep the two of them in check.  


They just needed to get back to Eligius IV to make sure.  


None of that mattered now though. Bellamy wasn’t waking up. Everyone was panicking now. Clarke had removed her own helmet against everyone’s protest. She was doing anything to she could think of to get him to wake up. He was breathing thankfully. If only faintly.  


“Clarke, what’s wrong with him?” Jordan looked like a lost kid in his seat. He kept wringing his gloved hands and bouncing his leg. His expression mirrored the others. They all looked at Clarke as she tried to do something- anything! - to figure out what was wrong.  


It was Shaw who broke the tension filled quiet. “We need to get him off the ship. Maybe he hit his head on the way down.” He tilted his own helmeted head and showed a bruise was beginning to form on his cheek. “I know I did.” Raven’s attention shifted to him and his minor injury for a second.  


“How do we get him out without making it worse? What if he’s bleeding and we can’t see it yet?” Even Raven sounded panicked. “We don’t even know what’s on the other side of that door. There could be radiation, animals, _people_.” They all looked towards the still locked door of the command center. They couldn’t even see anything from the ship’s windows. It was pitch black outside. They weren’t even sure they had flashlights.  


“I’ll go.”  


“Like hell you are.” Jordan’s meek attempt was shut down immediately. No one was going to let this kid do anything remotely dangerous. Clarke was the one to rebut him. She looked at their small group and back to Bellamy’s still frame. Every possibility went through her mind. She could go alone. She has Nightblood; if there was radiation she had a better chance of surviving. No one would let her go alone though. She could take Murphy with her. But from the way his hands shook just in the slightest made her decide against him. He’d need to be able to hold a gun and not fire randomly. Raven would never let her take Shaw. He made the most sense honestly. He could hold his own; he had made that extremely clear in the past few weeks. Clarke could never make herself ask Raven to go with her. Her friend- was she her friend anymore? – was still walking with a brace. If they needed to make a quick getaway… No way in hell was Jordan going. She was sure Monty and Harper’s spirits would come back and haunt her. Her chest ached just in the slightest thinking of them.  


She didn’t have a choice. Her helmet was already off and she was out of her seat anyways. She snagged one of the walkie-talkies in the center console.  “Clarke wait!” Raven struggled with her own harness as Clarke maneuvered herself towards the door. With the lightest push, it opened and she stepped into the in-between chamber. She shut it in the same second Raven managed to get out of her seat. The lock clicks and secures in seconds. “Clarke!” The door didn’t budge under the other’s fists.  


“You self-sacrificing cockroach get back in here!” A sad smile etches itself onto her face. Murphy would use that as a compliment. She can see more outside now. The window here is bigger and it really is terrifying. She can’t see in the slightest bit. Maybe she should have brought her helmet with her. Maybe grabbed the one gun they thought to bring with them. Her hand hesitates for the latch to the hatch in the ceiling. Now or never. The others were still trying to open the door. Murphy must’ve been ramming into it with how much it seems to wane.  


Clarke twisted the last and pushed open the hatch. It creaked open almost too quickly for her liking. “Clarke!” They must have heard it. She wants to yell at them. They should be worried about Bellamy instead of her honestly. That’s why she was doing this, right? For her friend. Friend.  


“May we meet again.” She whispers, just in case.

 __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

“That idiot!” Murphy kicked at the door one last time. They heard the hatch close five minutes ago and then nothing. They can’t even see if Clarke is okay. It’s so damn dark outside. Raven is back in her seat with her head in her hands. Shaw tried to comfort her with gentle rubs on her back. Jordan is doing what he can and still trying to wake up Bellamy. No luck there. If Murphy could pace, he would be. The dropship is too small to do anything but stand and kick at the door. “We need to go after her. She could be in danger.” He’s beyond antsy at this point. They had all removed their helmets and gloves at this point. It all felt too confining.  


“Clarke’s always in danger.” Raven muttered the same words Murphy had said countless times. Not for the first time, he wished they weren’t true. “John, just stop. She has Nightblood so for all we know she’s fine. And if she’s not…” She sagged in her seat. “We’ll know by morning. If there’s a morning here.” This trip really wasn’t a good idea. They should have woken up others and waited. Monty had said the planet was similar to Earth but what did that really mean?  


Time seemed to drag on like shifting mountains. Seconds felt like hours. Murphy hadn’t thought he was claustrophobic until then. He hated tight spaces. This tight space specifically.  


“Uh, guys?” They all looked towards Jordan’s frantic face. “I think Bellamy’s waking up.” He sat back slightly. Sure enough, Bellamy’s face was twitching and seemed to be breathing deeper.  


Murphy stumbled back to his friend’s side. “Bellamy? Aye, Blake. Wake up.” He shook him slightly. They hadn’t taken off his helmet yet fearing he could have a bad injury and be bleeding out. They all hoped it was as minor as Shaw’s bruised face. “Come on. Clarke went on another suicide mission and you need to help me break down the door.” Just as he said this, Bellamy’s eyes opened. Honestly, Murphy hadn’t been this relieved in quite a while. Everyone one seemed to let go of the breath they had been holding. Murphy clapped him on the shoulder. “Welcome back.”  


The reaction he got wasn’t expected. “Get your hand off me.” It was more than a bit strained. Carefully, Murphy took his hand back and leaned away. “Where am I? Why am I wearing this damn helmet?” Bellamy struggled in his seat and tugged at the helmet. “Where the fuck am I? Where is Octavia?” He managed to get his helmet off and chucked it at he door. “Where is my sister!”

 

Murphy had tumbled out of his seat at the outburst. Shaw had put himself in front of Raven. Jordan plastered himself to his seat. “Bellamy we’re your friends!” Raven flinched when he lashed out again.  


“Nice try. Now where is my sister!” They all looked panicked at one another.  


Raven and Murphy were lost on what to do or say. Bellamy seemed more than capable of hurting himself and others right now. Jordan was the closest to him.  


“What year is it?” They both looked up at Shaw. He seemed the tensest but something in his demeanor showed he was trying to be calm. As calm as he could be anyway.  


Bellamy stopped his struggling for a split second. “Why the hell does that matter?” Murphy couldn’t help but think the same thing.  


Shaw narrowed his eyes. “Answer the question, Blake. What year is it?” It dawned on Raven why he was asking right then. Oh no. They so did not need this on top of possibly losing Clarke. Again.  


“2149.” He said it like everyone else in the ship had lost their damn minds. Maybe they had. “Why the hell am I in a dropship? Where is my sister and why aren’t we on the Arc?” At least he seemed to be calming down in the slightest.  


Murphy wanted to bang his head as hard as he could. “Bellamy, it’s not 2149.” Raven tried to reach out and shush him. None of them knew what Bellamy might do. “It’s 2281. We haven’t been on the Arc in over 130 years.”


	2. Shock Value

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy has amnesia. And complicated feelings. For Clarke. Who doesn't know how to explain things and can't let old feelings that never quite went away resurface.

The air is so cold it feels like she’s been electrocuted.

For a moment. She definitely should have brought her helmet or any other covering. Clarke can see her breath in the faint moonlight. There is a moon after all. The light it gives off is incredibly dim for a planet in a binary system. Honestly, they had all thought night would never come to this planet. There were two suns and they had no idea what that meant for days and nights. But here she was. The air seemed to freeze any moisture on her lips and around her eyes. She was glad she had some mental compacity and had left her gloves on.

Clarke looked back to the ship. It was only two feet behind her but in the darkness, was merely a faint outline. She couldn’t hear the others from here either. Everything was…just. It was quiet and still and far calmer than she had ever anticipated. It made landing on Earth with the 100 seem like a circus. At least the air wasn’t toxic here either. As far as she could tell. Breathing seemed easier than she was used to. The air on Eligius felt like sandpaper in her throat compared to this. It felt clean. Untainted. Pure.

She couldn’t help but smile. A choked laugh came from her mouth and she relaxed just slightly. Sure, she was beginning to feel the coldest she had ever been but at least she wasn’t dead. Being outside of the ship for 10 minutes now should be proof enough. They would be okay. Hopefully. “Guys?” She spoke into the walkie-talkie. It crackled in response. She tuned it looking for the right frequency. “Raven? Murphy?” She tried again and waited through the static. A faint thud came from the dropship and she considered going back in.

“ _Clarke!_ ” Raven’s voice came through. Clear and obviously worried.

“I’m here. I’m alive.” She felt her way around the dropship till she found the outline of a window. It really was dark here. The thought made panic flair in her for a second; she had no idea what or who could be around her. Once she found the window, she knocked on the glass. “I’m here. I don’t feel sick or anything.” She took a deep breath. “I actually feel great. It’s cold but the air is so clean.”

A knock came from the window she waited by. It was taller than her and she reached onto her toes to look inside. With the lights in the small room, she could faintly make out everyone. At least the outlines of their bodies. She couldn’t help the glee she felt when she saw Bellamy was in fact sitting up and moving on his own. Why John was sitting on the floor was lost on her.

“ _Oh, thank god. Something is going right._ ” Clarke made a face. What did Raven mean? “ _But Clarke we have a problem_.” Raven’s voice came back over the radio. Suddenly the other woman’s face was up against the glass of the window. Clarke jumped back slightly. She could barely make out Raven’s worried face.

“What do you mean we have a problem?” Immediately, she tensed up. “Raven what could be worse than Bellamy having possible head trauma and us being on another planet we know nothing about?” Just then, she could see behind Raven to where Bellamy still sat. He looked agitated and had moved as far away from the others as he could.

Raven shook her head. “ _He doesn’t remember, Clarke. He thinks it’s 2149. Before the 100._ ” Clarke’s eyes widened. “ _He has amnesia somehow._ ” Clarke hit her head against the side of the dropship. Of course. Of course, something like this would happen now.

 -------

Morning did come eventually. They aren’t sure how long it took but it did. Raven and Shaw had worked to get communication with Eligius up and running. Echo and Emori had to have been worried. Diyoza not so much. But they did finally manage to get a short message through just before sunrise. The message simply said they were okay, and the air wasn’t toxic. Nothing about Bellamy. They weren’t sure if this was temporary or not; worrying the others wouldn’t help much.

Clarke had made her way back into the drop ship. Her fingers had started to tingle from the cold and her nose was bright red. If the situation wasn’t so strained, Murphy might have made a joke about it. When Clarke did get a good look at Bellamy, she could see something had happened to his head. Maybe not an external injury. With the way he seemed to flinch when he moved too quickly and kept his eyes closed, there was definitely something wrong. Along with the amnesia, of course. She checked over Shaw and the others before even attempting to make eye contact with Bellamy. She could see it in the way he held himself. In the way he seemed tense but somehow so much more relaxed than before. Like the stress of the past 6 years before Cryo had just been wiped from him. And essentially, they had.

He didn’t know who any of them were. Bellamy made that extremely clear. Something about Raven and Murphy seemed familiar but he couldn’t put them anywhere in his life. Shaw and Jordan were obvious blanks in his memory. “But you do remind me of someone,” He had said to Jordan, “I don’t know who, but someone.” The kid had nodded and kept his mouth tight. The fact Bellamy was talking at all was a relief. It meant whatever damage had happened wasn’t as severe as they anticipated. And that he trusted them. Maybe nowhere near what he did but it was something.

Clarke was reminded of the Bellamy she knew so many years ago on Earth. From Day 1 on Earth. He had that small cocky crook to his mouth. The head tilt like he was better than everyone else. Only worrying about Octavia and where she was. She wasn’t sure if the others had informed him of what all had happened. Who knows how he might react to this Octavia now. To everyone else. But she had to hope this was temporary. It had to be. The Bellamy she knew and cared for was somewhere in there. Just lost and confused.

“You’re Clarke?” He had looked at her. The others decided it was best to get some rest. Clarke was the best to watch over Bellamy and morning had just come. They could handle an hour or so of sleep before exploring the new planet. Bellamy wasn’t allowed to sleep. He likely had a concussion and who knows what would happen if he slept. Clarke hadn’t said a single word to him since she came back onto the ship; it startled her out of her thoughts when he spoke. “You’re the one who’s always in trouble, huh?”

It felt like a shock to her system. His eyes met hers for the first time since he had woken up. It was a look she hadn’t seen in years and it felt so familiar and welcoming. It was the look he would give her during the beginning. When they weren’t sure if they were friends or enemies. The look he had when he caught her from falling into the spike pit. When she had caught the plague and made him leave her. The look that would become the one he gave when she caught him staring at her. When he found her during Roan’s kidnapping. When he forgave her for everything she had done. When they all thought she would die from radiation poisoning. When he left her on Earth for 6 years.

How much had he really forgotten?

Clarke cleared her throat. “I am.” She sat up a little. “And you’re Bellamy Blake. Usually the one who gets me out of trouble.” He nodded, like he was confirming something. She figured it wouldn’t hurt to keep him talking. “Do you remember anything else? Anything about the Arc or Earth?” He thought for a moment then shook his head. He looked at frustrated as she was beginning to feel. She couldn’t help but feel bad. This was probably the worst time to forget. Especially given where they were and what they were there to do. “Octavia is safe, by the way.” Might as well give him some piece of mind. “She’s on the Eligius ship. It’s kind of like the Arc but better in some ways. She’s there with…With Madi. My- my daughter.” He looked taken back by that. Bellamy looked away from her and furrowed his eyebrows. Clarke couldn’t tell if she had said something wrong or not. “Everything okay?”

Bellamy shook his head before wincing. She really needed to look him over. They still weren’t sure the damage that’d been done. Probably wouldn’t know until they got back to Eligius. Who knows if that trip would cause damage. “You have a daughter?” Clarke arched her brow and nodded. That was what he was stuck on. “I don’t mean to sound surprised but…” He didn’t finish his sentence. “Do I have a girlfriend? Partner?” He sounded like he couldn’t quite believe anything coming out of his own mouth.

Clarke nodded. “Yes, Echo. She’s…” How should Clarke describe her? “She’s a warrior. Very loyal and strong. She’d do anything to protect her family.” Clarke bit back anything else she could say. Why did this feel so weird? So wrong? Bellamy looked taken aback. “Bellamy?” He ran a hand through his hair and rested is on the back of his head. He froze for a second before looking at his hand. Bright red. “Oh crap.” Clarke climbed out of her seat and reached under it. She searched around for the med-kit she had stashed away. Her hands trembled as she looked for the compress and gauze. “Here let me.” She didn’t even give Bellamy a chance to protest. She tilted his head forward and finally got a look at his head wound. It wasn’t nearly as big as she thought. But there was just so much blood. She tried to clean away what she could without causing too much pain.

As Clarke held the gauze to the wound, Bellamy found himself leaned forward with her face pressed into her stomach. _Not the worst place to be_ , he thought. Clarke was clearly his friend. If just that. Something just wasn’t sitting right with him. Well, nothing was sitting well really. He couldn’t even remember that morning. But when Clarke came back into the ship…He wasn’t sure. Everything just seemed to settle a little. The familiar sun colored hair he could touch for hours. Lips he wouldn’t mind doing the same. Her eyes had shocked him. The starlight eyes he felt he would know anywhere. He didn’t know her name. Other than what Murphy- that was his name right? – had said about her being in trouble. A suicide mission? He hadn’t cared up until she came back in and he saw her. Something in him became extremely protective. He wanted to yell at her. To reprimand her for doing something so stupid. Whatever it was she had done. The point being, he _knew_ her. He knew Clarke. Not her name or who she was or what she had done or how they met. But he knew her. Somehow.

Out of everyone, she seemed to be the one he could trust. The one he could depend on. Could…like? More than like? Bellamy had never been good with emotions and apparently the years hadn’t changed that. Which was why he was shocked when Clarke said she had a daughter. And he had a girlfriend… A girlfriend that wasn’t Clarke. Her name was Echo. The name sounded familiar and he felt a twinge in his chest at it. He quickly figured out he did care for this Echo. He must if they were in a relationship.

But why. Why the _hell_ did his heart jump and his mind short circuit when he looked at Clarke. Obviously, that’s how one would react when seeing their partner. There really couldn’t be any other reason why he instinctively reacted that way. But Clarke had a daughter; meaning she probably had a husband? Or not. This wasn’t the Arc and she didn’t have to have a husband to have a kid. Right? Right. But it still didn’t explain why he felt the way he did. Maybe his head injury was far worse than he thought.

At least he was able to be close to her right now. Whatever he felt for her, seemed to cool with her closer. And she was touching him. He was touching her. He didn’t try to suppress the sigh he made and the way he relaxed into her touch. Clarke on the other hand, was trying to not pay attention to her reddening cheeks. This was fine. Bellamy just needed a minute to rest and she was what he chose to lean on. The closest they had really been save for one hug in 6 years. Well, technically 6 years.

It felt too right for her to be comfortable. Things had changed. They had changed. And Bellamy could barely remember who she was, let alone everything they had been through. Whatever he was thinking, feeling, would go away the more his memories came back. If they came back.

What had they gotten themselves into?


	3. Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy isn't too sure about what feels. Memories flood back that leave him in anguish. Everyone tries to help as much as they can. Except the one person he needs the most help from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the longest thing I have written in so long. I make no apologies for any inconsistencies or if things don't make sense. I am tired and this is the angst I could write atm.

 

 

It was nearly a week before they made it back to Eligius.

Things had gone far better than they had anticipated. They found plants that were edible. Mainly through trial and error with Murphy being the test subject. They had yet to see any animals or people. Whether that was good or bad, they didn’t know. There was some kind of food and they had a stroke of luck with water. They landed only a mile away from a river; Raven had thought to bring a purifier just in case and they had clean drinking water. Things were going well. Very well.

Except, Bellamy still wasn’t remembering much. What he did remember, was never in order.

He could remember the Arc. Could remember his mother and Octavia. Every once in a while, he would stop what he was doing and a hard look would come over him. Someone was always with him. More times it was Clarke or Murphy; they made sure he wasn’t alone just in case. Bad memories seemed to surface quicker than good ones. He remembered getting Octavia arrested and his mother floated first. That was a hard day. Murphy had been with him during that one. It was probably good too; Bellamy had lashed out and looked like he was going to beat the living hell out of anyone. Murphy took the one punch he did throw straight to the gut. Though John had wanted to fight back, he figured it was best he didn’t just once. Plus, it was a good thing it was him and not one of the others. Especially not Jordan.

Or Clarke.

Bellamy did what he could to help with investigating the new planet. Helped with purifying water. Finding food. Starting fires. He was kept far from the guns or knives they had. No one needed him to remember something, panic, and have a weapon in hand. Which oddly worked out more than they thought. Everyone expected Bellamy to be the man he was years ago; during the first few days on Earth. Everyone waited for “ _Whatever the hell we want_ ” Bellamy. Every time he was told to do something, there was the slightest defiance. It became clear he wanted to be the leader. Wanted to be the one in charge. Not doing small tasks he could dictate someone else to do. Especially during the times when Clarke would have to check his wound and perform simple examinations. He hated having someone this close to him. That hadn’t changed from the Bellamy of years ago. But whenever it was Clarke telling him to do something, he did it.

Actually, he spent most hours with Clarke. They had been on Earth 2.0 for only 3 days when Raven had pulled John aside. “He’s following her like a lost dog.” Raven muttered when they left under the false pretense of getting firewood. Shaw had agreed to stay behind and watch Bellamy. “I get that she’s fixing him up. She’s the only one who has any idea what’s going on with him head. But…” John had nodded.

“He trusts Clarke. Not that that’s anything new but yeah, it’s weird. He didn’t trust her even half this much when we all came down to Earth the first time. Or second.” Raven hadn’t been there the first time. She would have to take his word for it. But the second… She couldn’t bring herself to think of the problems that would soon arise.

“Do you think…?” She gave him a side look. John just shrugged. “God, I hope this doesn’t complicate things more than they already are. How are we going to tell Echo?” That was something they had tried to avoid as much as possible. They had told the others Bellamy was injured. They also said Shaw was too, just not as much. It was a unanimous decision to not mention the memory loss. They still hoped it would be better by the time they went back to Eligius.

It wasn’t.

They made sure to add some padding to Bellamy’s helmet. Entering the atmosphere caused enough damage; they didn’t need leaving it to cause more. He was remembering slowly at this point. So damn slow. He remembered the crash landing on Earth, Octavia’s first step onto the planet, setting up camp. He remembered Murphy and Clarke clearer. He had been a little cockier and called out “ _Princess_ ” to Clarke at one point. She had dropped the water she’d been carrying when loading up the dropship.

“What did you call me?” Bellamy stepped back. Surely, that was a nickname for her. Right? He had given it to her at some point. He didn’t know why, but he did. He was remembering her more clearly now. “You haven’t called me that in…in years.” She swallowed and tried to smile a little. She honestly couldn’t remember the last time he had called her that. Bellamy worried it really was the wrong thing to say when she brushed past him and wiped at her eyes. He wanted to follow her and ask why it had upset her. The same feelings as before pressed into his chest. He really needed to talk to Clarke about this. All of it. He wished he had done so before they made it back to Eligius.

Raven was prepared this time for controlling the ship and its course. Not having the radioactive apocalypse behind you made it easier. No one missed the collective relief when they did leave Earth 2.0’s atmosphere and could see Eligius again. No one missed how Bellamy had reached out and clutched onto Clarke’s hand either. Clarke looked incredibly tense and once they did leave the atmosphere, tugged her hand away. Bellamy tried to ignore the sting it left him.

Boarding the ship was a whole other experience for him. Bellamy didn’t know who the 3 women were that greeted them back. Murphy had been nearly tackled by a short brunette; he assumed she was the girl Murphy had mentioned at some point. Emma? Emilie? He wanted to hit himself for not remembering a simple name. Especially since they had spent 6 years in space together. He had tried to ignore the discomfort he felt when he saw Octavia wasn’t waiting for him. The need to know where his sister was spiked agitation in him. It was temporarily forgotten when a body collided with his own.

It was a blur of brown and black then one of the women had her arms wrapped around him. Her lips were pressed to his. Oh right, he had a girlfriend. Echo. He didn’t know whether or not to reciprocate the affection but settled on returning the hug. Echo was beautiful. That was the first thought in his mind when he did finally see her face. In the way she held his gaze, tensed and relaxed her jaw, in how she seemed to fit against him nice and familiar. She was beautiful. Something seemed to trigger his memory and a moment like this one came rushing in. It was near debilitating. Him, with Octavia, walking into a camp? Somewhere he couldn’t place. Walking in and suddenly something- someone- running right into him. Blonde hair and a blue jacket. He hadn’t felt the relief he had then when Echo touched him.

Echo who was talking. To him.

 “Bellamy?” Echo snapped her fingers and finally seemed to get his attention. “Why isn’t he talking?” She looked back to Raven, then to Clarke. Both women shared a tense look.

It was Murphy who seemed fed up with the situation. “He has amnesia.” Echo’s eyes widened almost comically. “He hit his head when we landed and slowly been getting his memories back since then. We didn’t tell you- well _they_ ,” He motioned to Clarke and Raven, “thought it would be best to wait and see if he remembered. It’s been five days and from Clarke said, it shouldn’t be a long-lasting problem. But we need Abby to make sure.” Echo nodded slowly and looked back to Bellamy. The empty look when he met her eyes confirmed her worry.

“Do you know who I am?” She dropped her hands from his shoulders.

Bellamy shrugged and couldn’t help but feel like he disappointed everyone. “You’re Echo. A warrior. From Azgeda. Loyal. My-,” He swallowed hard, “My girlfriend.” She took a step back.

“Are we waking Abby, then?” She looked directly at Clarke. The blonde had tried to look like she wasn’t listening as she helped Jordan out of the hazmat gear. “We don’t know the extent of the damage yet and the ship has the tech for it. Right?” Raven nodded quickly under her steel glare. Echo closed her eyes briefly then straightened herself. “Why didn’t you guys come back immediately? We have no idea what waiting did to him. It could have gotten worse like internal bleeding. You should have said something over the radio and we could have woken Abby sooner and had her say in all this.” The malice in her voice was clearly directed at one person. Clarke. Said woman was doing what she could to keep calm. After everything they’ve dealt with the past week- past 131 years! - she didn’t need nor want any more issues with the others. Especially not Echo or Bellamy.

“Hey, Clarke did more than enough to make sure I was fine.” Heads snapped to look at Bellamy. He stood with his arms crossed and eyes narrowed; Clarke, Raven, and John recognized that tone and stance. It was his Leader stance. The one he had right before he gave a life altering speech, before he dictated what happened and when it happened. The same one that oddly made him the ‘Dad’ of the 100. He looked like the Bellamy they had known. “Clarke did what she thought was right and if I did have something worse than amnesia, I think we would know by now.”

Echo looked taken aback. For her, she hadn’t heard Bellamy defend anyone like this before. That last time he had done so, was for her. When the others had wanted to leave her during Praimfaya. He had defended her to them and made them understand that she could be trusted. She had helped them after all. And now he was defending Clarke. The traitor. “Fine.” She nodded and took a step back. “I’ll go see about waking some people from Cryo. Assuming everything went well on the new planet. We should have a briefing.” With that she stalked off. Raven begrudgingly followed; Shaw trailed after her.

“I’ve never really heard much about Echo.” Jordan awkwardly chuckled. “Mom always said she was tough and stubborn. Not much else.” He rubbed at the back of his head. “I think I’m going to go to my room. I’ve had more than enough excitement for the next- I don’t know- 130 years?” Clarke patted him on the shoulder when we walked past. “You guys should probably talk?” He commented over his shoulder before disappearing. Leaving Bellamy and Clarke.

“Well I’ve had enough awkward for today.” And John and Emori. The two exited the room without much flare. Honestly, they all needed a rest in actual beds. Bellamy probably did need to be checked by Abby. Clarke trusted herself to help with external injuries, even head wounds. But memory loss and the side effects of that were something else entirely. But Clarke wasn’t sure how she could explain everything to her mother. Abby had her own issues to remember first.

“I remembered something.” Clarke looked up. Bellamy stood still near the entrance of the dropship boarding. He had dropped his arms and kept clenching and unclenching his fists. “We were somewhere on Earth, I think. Octavia and I were pretty beat up. And your face was pretty cut up.” He clenched his fists tight. “You ran and hugged me.” Clarke couldn’t help the light smile. Yeah, she remembered that day too. Right after she escaped Mount Weather with Anya. “I didn’t know it was you hugging me then. Not until I saw your hair. I’d know that color anywhere.” His voice was soft and Clarke had to look away. His eyes had glazed over and his smile was so sweet, so kind. It shouldn’t have been meant for her. A memory of her. “It felt like coming home.”

 _Home_. If only Bellamy could remember the many times she had destroyed their home. Destroyed who they could have been.

“I remember you leaving me and another boy out of the dropship. When…” He searched for the right word. “When the Grounders? When they tried to attack us. You had no choice but to leave us out. Everyone else would have died if you hadn’t.” He ran a hand through his still tangled hair. “I wasn’t upset at all that you did it. I wasn’t angry or hurt. I understood. I still do.” He looked at Clarke fully; she couldn’t bring herself to look at him. “I was more upset I would probably never get to see Octavia again. Or you. I was ready to die that day, die fighting. But I just…”

Clarke took a sharp breath. She shook her head and cleared her throat. “We should take you to the med-bay. I think waking my mother would be a good idea. She’s a far better doctor than I am and would know how to use the tech for your head.” Just as she turned to leave, Bellamy reached out and held onto her hand. “Bellamy let me go, please.” She shouldn’t sound this broken. This torn up. Nothing between them had changed, _should_ change. He was remembering. They didn’t need to change how they had been once he remembered everything; he probably still hated her for leaving him. For almost killing Octavia. For threatening his family. She had her own anger towards him because of Madi and her being Heda now. She just couldn’t say anything right now about it.

“Clarke.” Bellamy still hadn’t let go. She tugged but his grip only tightened. “What are we to each other? Why do my happier memories always seem to have you in them? Why do almost all of memories have you in them?”

She tugged her arm as hard as she could and pulled her hand free. Taking a deep breath, she turned and faced him. “Friends. That’s what we are to each other. We’re friends, if that. If you remember-,” She closed her eyes and took another breath. Why did this feel like goodbye? “When you remember, you’ll know why.”

 -------

Abby was the next person to be woken from Cryo sleep. It took her nearly 36 hours to come to terms with everything. They had been in space for 125 years, there was a new planet, Monty and Harper had a 26-year-old son…There was a new planet! Her worry had been on Kane and his condition first though. She and Clarke spoke of the problems waking him would have. His body likely wouldn’t last. He would die if woken too soon. So, in Cryo he would stay. Abby and the others were then brought up to speed with everything they had managed to find out about Earth 2.0. Abby almost didn’t believe them how similar it was to Earth. She was even more surprised they hadn’t encountered any civilizations.

“That could mean nothing,” Raven had commented, “We could have just landed in the middle of nowhere where no one would populate.”

“Or they didn’t want anything to do with us.” Murphy earned a smack to the back of his head from Bellamy. He would have hit back if it wasn’t for him somewhat missing the threatening care. He wouldn’t admit it but having Bellamy act just a little like he did was worth the minor pain. It was taking less time now to see the Bellamy they all knew coming back.

Abby had berated them all for going down to the new world without her or someone else. Diyoza had disappeared somehow during that scolding. Later she would claim she was just a pregnant woman trying to find a better life for her daughter. Everyone rolled their eyes at that.

Bellamy was hesitant to let the doctor check him over. He wasn’t sure why, but he had the feeling he didn’t trust Abby before. He couldn’t figure out why. She was a doctor and a good once. Clarke trusted her to take care of him. As did Echo, Raven, Murphy, everyone really. But he just couldn’t shake the feeling they didn’t like each other before he lost his memory. But she still did check him over and even used a machine they had found in Eligius’ med-bay to look at his skull. No fractures. No permanent damage. According to Abby, it seemed like his brain had gotten smacked around during the landing. It was why he had amnesia, headaches, and couldn’t sleep. She wasn’t sure how long it would take for his memories to come back, if they did. But she assured him she would do whatever she could to help him be comfortable.

Comfortable. Ha.

With the tension that seemed to fill the air, comfort wouldn’t come. Especially since it felt like people were avoiding him. Echo and Clarke mainly. Murphy had told him there were issues between the two women; some about him and some not. John seemed to be the only one he would see at least once an hour if not spend the day with on the ship. He was even the one who decided he deserved to know about Octavia. Or who she had become. That had been a bad day. But John had stuck by him. He really was a good friend and Bellamy felt like he probably hadn’t been treated like one. He’d have to apologize once he remembered everything. Talking about O had brought back memories. Mainly about her and her becoming the warrior she had been. Winning the conclave. Choosing to save everyone and not be selfish. Lincoln. God, he had so much to apologize for. Who had he become before he forgot? Who was he now?

John and Raven were the ones who talked him through the memories he couldn’t put together. 6 years’ worth of memory just flooding back at once. They took turns being the person he clung to when the memories became nightmares and nightmares memories. He couldn’t distinguish the two for a while. When Octavia was finally woken from Cryo, he had hidden away. He couldn’t face her. Not with everything they had both done. She had wanted to see him immediately once she learned about the amnesia. Abby had made it clear to her he was confused and would need time alone. Octavia understood. Didn’t like it but understood.

Madi waking up had been an experience for him. And Clarke. The girl could have been no more than 13 honestly. But she looked and acted much older. And like someone else Bellamy knew. When he did meet her again, he realized he had been wrong to worry about her being Clarke’s daughter. It came in bits but he remembered who she really was and yes, she was Clarke’s daughter. Adopted daughter more or less.

Hearing Echo call Madi _Heda_ had brought forth more memories than he had wanted to deal with.

Gina. Finn. Jaha. _Jasper_. Mount Weather.

It came back like a tidal wave that left him on the floor. Madi and Raven had been the only ones in the room present when it happened. Echo had just left the room. “I’ll find out when, Heda.” She had said to Madi before walking out of the control room. It smacked Bellamy with enough force that he all but collapsed to his knees. Later, Abby would tell him it was a panic attack. All in his head. But right then it felt like someone had ripped the air from his lungs. He couldn’t breathe as images flashed in his mind.

“Get Clarke.” Was all he managed to get out before he couldn’t breathe.

Madi had dropped to the ground with him and directed that to Raven. She ran out of the room as quickly as she could. “Bellamy?” Madi may only be a kid, but she had the knowledge of dozens in her mind. She sat right in front of Bellamy and hesitantly took his hand. “Bellamy, please. Can you look at me.” He had shaken his head so hard a headache came immediately. Probably not the best thing. “Hey, can you repeat after me? Yeah?” She held his hand up to her face. Her mother would do this with her when she was young. When she was worried of the _Fleimkepa_ coming for her. “ _Oso throu daun ogeda_. Repeat after me. _Oso throu daun ogeda. Ste yuj._ ” She repeated the words until she knew Bellamy could remember them.

“O-oso.” He tried and she repeated herself once more. “ _Oso throu daun ogeda_.” Together, they repeated the phrase Madi had said hundreds of times in her life. _We fight together. Stay strong._ Soon, Bellamy was breathing normally again. They kept reciting the phrase until Raven came back with Clarke. John, Emori, and Echo followed quickly behind. All 5 were stunned to see what they did. Madi had Bellamy’s hand still pressed to her cheek with them sitting as close as they could with their awkward angles. Bellamy continued to recite even when Madi stopped to look at the others.

“Hey was remembering things. I don’t think they were good.” She made no move to get up. Instead, the others joined them on the floor. They all sat close to each other and listened to Bellamy calm himself. They stayed like that for nearly an hour.

Bellamy had managed to calm down enough for Madi to let go of his hand. When she did, he subconsciously moved closer to her and Clarke, who sat right on the other side of Madi. If anyone noticed, they said nothing. They didn’t say anything either when Bellamy reached his hand out to Clarke. Who took it. One or two may have gave an odd look but nothing was said. This wasn’t a good day and they all needed to have a talk. Three of them specifically. But that could wait for tomorrow.

Or not.

\-------

Bellamy had ended up back in the control room only hours later. Everyone else had gone to bed. In two days, they would be waking nearly everyone else who was in Cryo still. Then making their first trip down to the new planet to start building some sort of home. They had little to no supplies for building shelter but they were sure they could manage somehow. They had done it many times before. But that didn’t seem to help Bellamy. He still had nightmares. Ones he was sure he had before but knew how to cope with. At least somewhat.

Now he had no idea what to do. For the past two weeks, since the incident really, he didn’t sleep. He knew he probably should. He would need it in the next coming months. And his brain was probably desperate for a break. But he just couldn’t do it. He’d fall asleep for maybe an hour before the memories would sneak in. Then he’d be awake for 3 or 4 hours before giving up on sleep completely. Everyone had expressed concerns. Even Abby who told him it was normal but he really did need rest. He knew that. Didn’t make it easier though.

He wasn’t sure what time it was or how long he had been sitting there when he heard footsteps. He didn’t need to turn around. He would know those footsteps anywhere, even when he could barely remember names. “I think we need to talk.” He said once Echo sat next to him. She nodded and turned to face him. “I’m sorry.”

She scoffed lightly and shook her head. “For what? For having amnesia? Or calling for Clarke when you were panicking instead of me? Or maybe for something you don’t know.” It wasn’t meant to be harmful, her tone, but Bellamy still felt like a scolded child. “Bellamy there’s nothing to be sorry for. I get it.” She patted his hand. “You said before, before everything, that going to the ground wouldn’t change anything. I guess you just meant Earth.” She squeezed his hand lightly. “Neither of us could even predict you would get amnesia. Of all things.”

“Echo I didn’t want to do this. I just…” He tried to find the words.

She sighed and gave one last squeeze. “I know. You just can’t. I knew things would change, I just didn’t know how. I told myself I would walk away if I felt like things were going south with us. With us and with everything else. Your sister, Eligius, everything.” She stood and straightened herself. “But I’m not. Even if we aren’t together, for whatever reason you want to decide on, I won’t walk away. You were my friend before and still are. My family now. Plus,” She smiled, “You’re going to need someone who has actual aim on your side at some point. Especially since you can barely remember what you had for breakfast.” He rolled his eyes.

“Thank you, Echo.” She nodded and turned to leave.

“Get some sleep soon. You’re starting to look like how you did in Mount Weather.” Again, an eye roll. She stopped just as she was about to leave the room. “And, I know it’s not my business but, talk to Clarke. You guys need to work out whatever tension you still have before the memories come back completely. Or after. Either way, talk to each other.” She looked like she wanted to say more as she left.

Bellamy knew she was right. Even after Echo had left the room, he thought about it. Multiple times in fact. Aside from Octavia, Clarke seemed to be the only person who was a constant in his thoughts. She always seemed to avoid him or avoid any conversation other than small talk. He was sick of it. He didn’t know what they were to each other. But he damn well knew what he felt every time she entered a room and every time she smiled. Every time she said something in that soft voice that reminded him of his mother. Every time she would be looking at him from the corner of her. Every time.

Bellamy had gotten out of his seat and walk stalking down the halls before him mind could catch up with him. For the first time in weeks he felt like he had a purpose. Something he actually knew to do. He found her in the room quicker than he expected. Clarke had made it clear she and Madi would not be separated again. Very clear. So, seeing Madi sitting in the lone chair in the room instead of Clarke shouldn’t have been a surprise. But it stalled him. He suddenly realized what he had been about to do when Madi looked up at him a waved. For a second, he was worried why she wasn’t asleep yet.

“Looking for Clarke?” Madi motioned for him to come in. He did so and sat himself on the bed closest to the doorway. “She went for a walk. She won’t tell me what’s on her mind but I think whatever it is, is causing more stress than not. She won’t talk to anyone about it.”

“She’s always been like that.” He smirked. “At least, from what I remember. Would rather care about others than herself. Won’t talk about what’s bothering her.” Madi nodded in agreement.

“That hasn’t changed.” They sat in silence. It felt like it should be awkward, but it wasn’t. Madi went back to reading the book she had found; Bellamy was content to sit there and enjoy the quiet. Just for a moment. “Can you tell me some memories you have? Clarke told me stories of you all before. I could probably quote all of them. But I want to hear one from someone else’s perspective.” She was practically a mini-adult and she wanted a bedtime story. Bellamy almost laughed at the absurdness.

“I don’t remember many. Which one do you want to hear?” He moved to sit on the floor, leaning against the bed for support.

“The happiest one?” She shrugged and waited patiently. Bellamy pursed his lips. The happiest memory? He had many happy memories. Maybe less than most people; he definitely had more bad memories than happy.

He smiled and looked up at Madi. “There’s one I keep thinking about. I don’t remember the circumstances around it. Or where we were or why this conversation happened. But I think it’s one of my happiest. Maybe happy isn’t the right word but...” So he tells her. Bellamy tells her of the time where being a bad guy wasn’t so bad. He tells her of the pain he had been feeling. The ache and pressure he had been feeling because of what he had done that led him to that moment. How he felt like he would never recover from what he had done. One of his lowest points.

Then there was Clarke. Reassuring him in the short time they had, telling him he would be okay. He would recover at some point. Much like she had when he first lost his memory. The words she had said to him that he held onto for years after that day. _Maybe there are no good guys_. Back then, it shouldn’t have been so reassuring. But it was. It reminded him of another time Clarke gave him the reassurance he so desperately needed. _If you need forgiveness, I’ll give it to you_. He tells Madi about that memory too. Again, he doesn’t know all the details. But it’s still one he clings too. Clarke giving him the forgiveness he needed. Saying _she_ needed _him_. That they were in this together no matter what. Leaders. Partners. Friends…More?

Bellamy was too engrossed in telling the story, he didn’t hear footsteps behind him. Madi looked up briefly but didn’t stop him. She kept quiet until Bellamy took a breath and was smiling.

“So, Clarke is always in your good memories?” His eyes meet hers and he nods. The sincerity is so clear in those eyes. “You’re in a lot of her stories. Almost all of them, really. She paints you as a hero and the leader you guys needed then. She cares a lot about you.”

Bellamy felt an ache in his chest. One he became too familiar with in the past 2 weeks. “I care about her too. So much.” A sharp inhale came from behind him. He froze for a second before turning around. Of course, she would show up now. Clarke stood rigid in the doorway. Her hands clenched at her sides. “Clarke I-,”

“Don’t.” She spoke through clenched teeth.

Madi stood from the chair. “He was telling me stories you’ve told me before.” She jumped to his defense. Neither of them knew why Clarke seemed so…so angry all of a sudden. “He talks about you like you do him. Every story he talks about you like you’re the hero. Just like you did him. He cares about you.”

Clarke shook her head. “Madi enough. It’s time you go to bed.”

“No.” She stood her ground. Right next to Bellamy. “Clarke you’ve been avoiding him and it’s hurting you both. He called for you when he had his attack. His stories are all about you. Just like how you would call his name out during your nightmares and your stories had him in it.” Bellamy stood. Madi was defending him. Why? And what did she mean about Clarke having nightmares? “He loves you Clarke! Just like you love him but you’re not letting yourself admit it.”

“I said enough!” Both flinched away at Clarke’s outburst. The woman had closed her eyes tight and tried to calm herself. “Bellamy get out. Madi go to bed. I’m not repeating myself.” Madi was about to protest but Bellamy put a hand on her shoulder. He shook his head and took the two steps to the door. Clarke made it a point to look at the ground.

He stopped at the threshold. “She’s not wrong.” It was just a whisper but Clarke heard it. She still didn’t look at him. “I love you, Clarke. I think I always have. I don’t know everything that happened between us but I know that.”

“Bellamy stop.” Her voice was tight.

He didn’t listen. “No. I love you Clarke Griffin. I don’t know how I know but I do. I did before I forgot and before Praimfaya. I loved you when you were with Finn and when I had Gina. During Mount Weather and when you left me after.” The agitation he had been feeling earlier was suddenly back. He had to get this out now.

“You don’t love me.” Damn Clarke. He tried not to raise his voice or harden his tone. But her saying that felt like a slap to the face. “You don’t even remember me. The Me you began hating before you forgot.”

He shook his head. “You’re wrong. I loved you then and I still do. Whatever it is that happened, it didn’t matter. If I hated you, I would remember. But I didn’t and don’t. I felt it when you came back onto the dropship when we were on the ground. I didn’t know anyone else, but I knew you. I knew and trusted you. Just you.” His eyes were beginning to burn from strain and tears building up.

“You’re confused and just say-.”

He hit his hand against the wall and cursed under his breath. “I’m not confused. I know what I’m saying and you clearly do too. Why are you resisting this so hard?” He took her hand and tugged at her arm. She still refused to look at him. “Damnit Clarke look at me.” Nothing. “Look. At. Me.” He cupped her jaw in his hand and tilted her head up. She finally opened her eyes. They were just as wet and glossy as his. “It has always been you.”


	4. Man of Earth

 

“ _It has always been you._ ”

 

Those words echoed in her mind for weeks. They kept her awake that night and so many after. They plagued her during the day; she couldn’t even look at Bellamy after that night. He had let her go and stalked off. Madi has listened to her and climbed into her own bed, feigning sleep. Clarke had stood by the door for what felt like an eternity. She couldn’t even make herself breathe properly. Couldn’t make herself do anything but go blank. She wasn’t even sure what she was feeling; something had cracked in her. Emotions she had suppressed for 6 years had bubbled up to the surface. Could she even say it was 6 years? She really was losing track of time now. Losing sleep, too. Losing her mind. Losing the family and friends she once had. Now that things had calmed and everyone else was awake, the reality of everything she had done came to light. Everything she had done to ensure her daughter’s survival and safety. No one seemed to want to forgive her. Raven had kept her distance once they returned from the ground. Emori didn’t know what to do with her; Clarke didn’t blame her honestly. Echo seemed indifferent and showed up everywhere Madi was. John seemed like the only one who understood what she did. He wasn’t happy about it, but at least he talked to her. Whether she liked it or not.

Bellamy hadn’t been having a better time. He tried to talk to Clarke more. Tried to get her to talk to him. He needed her to understand, to know. He **loved** her. He loves her. Past, present, future. He needed her to know and for her to just talk. Reject him outright or give him some hope. The others could see how it was tearing him up. Yes, he was leading the group like he always had. The only reason he did was because it felt the most natural. The easiest thing to do. It was easier than getting Clarke to talk to him. Or for him to talk to his sister. Octavia seemed to understand he didn’t know what to make of her. He could remember her, so clearly, she was the one thing he would never forget. But it didn’t help that memories of the past and what was only weeks ago for them were becoming jumbled. One second, he saw his little sister who had to be hidden away. The next, he’d see her covered in blood and ordering his death.

Octavia had spoken to him less than a handful of times. She spent more time alone. Or with Clarke of all people. She seemed to gravitate towards her. It was like when they first landed on Earth. The two somehow ended up at the same place.

Clarke found herself sitting in the mess hall at an empty table most days. Everything was going smoothly without her. Though Bellamy could hardly remember the past 6 years, he was back to his leader role. He seemed to know exactly what to do and when to do it. Along with Madi, Raven, and even Diyoza. They didn’t need her. So, she found the one place it seemed to be quiet and drew what she could. Most days, she’d stare at the blank paper for hours before putting her head down. After the third day, Octavia seemed to find the spot just a quiet as she did. Separately, they sat at opposite ends of a long table. Together. Whether or not they forgave each other wasn’t clear. But there seemed to be an unspoken truce for now. Eventually they would talk. Not now. Not while they were still miles in space. When they did sit not-together, Octavia would meditate. Or something akin to it. Over the course of the month, they seemed to move closer together until they were almost across from each other. That’s how Clarke’s sketchbook had suddenly become full of the ex-queen. Octavia didn’t seem to mind. She’d sit as still as she could and kept quiet.

Clarke had wanted to talk. About anything. Something. It felt unnatural for them to be so quiet this close. But neither made any move to. Diyoza had come by every few hours. She made both of them eat. Tried to get them to talk. And would give up almost immediately. More times than not, she would come by so Clarke could check on her baby. They weren’t sure what another round of Cryo sleep would do to her. The first time seemed to be harmless; a second time might have been pushing it. Clarke was always willing to check up. When she would leave, it was just her and Octavia again. At least, she could get along with one of the Blake siblings. Much to her grief, not the one she wanted.

A month had passed before anything astounding happened. Well, other than waking more people and sending them to the ground. They would do it in 3 groups. Easier and safer that way. Eligius apparently put more than enough pod ships aboard than necessary. Emori piloted the first trip. John went with her and congratulated her this time. They sent down the farmers, engineers, anyone who would be useful in setting up a settlement. Miller had gone with, along with Jackson. They would need a doctor and soldiers just in case. Clarke stayed behind. Abby refused to leave Marcus’ side; it was a little unnerving to some but most understood. Why Abby hadn’t trained more people to be doctors though, that was the irritating part.

Madi had wanted to go with the first group; when she asked Clarke, the woman just shrugged.

“It’s your choice, Madi. You are Heda.” She loved the girl. So, so much. But she was no good right now to her or anyone. It was proven with how no one seemed to need or want her help. Maybe Madi going off and becoming the leader everyone thought she was would be okay. Plus, the Grounders who wanted to follow her still obeyed her every command. Not that she gave out many. No, Madi was proving to be a benevolent leader. The only time had given a strict order was when one of the Grounders had refused to go to the new planet. Well, a group of them. Who were farmers. Much needed necessities. They had refused to go to the ground without their Heda. Or at all. It wasn’t until Madi ordered them to go without her and prepare the land, did they go. Of course, there were protests and grumbling. But they went and Madi stayed behind. She realized those on the ship would need her just as much as those on the ground wanted her. ­

The second group was readying to leave when they got the news. It had been a week since the first group left. According to Emori and John, things were going extremely well. No signs of any people but they did find wildlife.

In the form of what had to be deer. Granted, the only kind they had seen before were the mutated ones on Earth. These ones…they looked shockingly normal. To the point that Miller hadn’t known what they were; or so John had said. No one could bring themselves to hunt them. Instead, they found fish in the river nearby. It was much easier to fish for those. Things were going so well…too well. Everyone on the ship still held their breath. Things really shouldn’t be going this well. By now on Earth, they had been starting a war with the Grounders. It was simpler now. Many had begun to wonder if the previous Eligius group had ever made it to this planet. Surely, they would have populated somehow.

That question was answered the day before the second group would leave for the ground. There were people. Oh, were there people. They made Spacekru look like animals compared. A group of 3 came to the settlement the day before launch. They showed up looking clean, proper, and not like they had been fighting war after war after war. The first, a tall redhaired dark skinned woman, was the only one to speak. The other woman, a shorter, stout brunette had watched them all wearily. The other individual had stayed back and observed with kind eyes.

“I’m not sure if they were a man or woman. But they did seem interested in the medicine Miller had.” John and Emori had called almost immediately the let them know. He had been nervous to say the least. “They were so damn quiet.” Apparently, the red-haired woman was the leader of a civilization nearby. Well, a 3-day hike away. “She said her name was Simone. Didn’t bother introducing the other two.” According to the leader- Simone- They had seen the original dropship and thought not to intervene. Their council decided to wait and see what happened. When they came back a second time with more people, they decided it was best to meet the intruders. They sent their leader and her two advisors.

“Something seemed…” Emori had recalled. “It seemed otherworldly? Made when you guys showed up look like a couple of shmucks.” Clarke had been there for that. She chuckled along with everyone else. “They told us we would be welcomed, as long as we didn’t start anything.” John had made a comment in the background Emori didn’t exactly want to repeat. “They were even willing to help us settle. Set up buildings and _real_ homes. Raven you should have seen the tech they had with them.” The awe in her voice was so clear.

“They just want peace.” They had called a meeting after the news. Bellamy, Echo, Raven, Shaw, Madi, Abby, Octavia, Diyoza, and Clarke. They gathered in the command center to discuss. Raven was the most astounded and willing to go to the ground as an ambassador. They could trust John and Emori. But maybe not having a smoking gun on the ground as the only spokesman was a good idea. Plus, she had wanted to see their tech. “They want to meet and trade with us, guys. Even if they wanted to annihilate us, at least we can see what they have. And we can always come back to the ship and sleep for another 125 years.” That got a few small laughs.

“I’d like my daughter actually be born this century, thank you.” Diyoza’s comment seemed to ease some tension. The group seemed split on what to do. Raven, Madi, and Diyoza all agreed they should go down. Octavia was hesitant. As was Echo. Abby didn’t seem phased. For the help she had been, it was likely she would stay on the ship until a way to help Kane was found. Bellamy seemed to hesitate but leaned toward going. And Clarke…

“What do you think?” It was the first time Bellamy had said anything to her since that night. It took her a moment to realize he was speaking to her. All eyes had been on her.

Clarke took a deep breath. “I don’t know. Last time we went down to a planet we didn’t know much about, we were forced to go.” Abby inhaled sharply. “But, what could be worse than what we’ve already gone through? We went through and survived a nuclear attack. Twice. What do we have to lose?” She crossed her arms and tried to make herself smaller. Everyone nodded in agreement. She tried to pretend she couldn’t still feel Bellamy’s eyes on her.

“Well, then it’s settled.” Octavia stood from the chair she had sat in. “Like Wanheda said, what else do we have to lose?” Clarke tried to hide the flinch at the name. She had tried to reclaim it before they fled Earth. This time, she hoped to truly leave it behind her.

\---

The second group left on time. Shaw and Echo with them. Raven had wanted to go but they would need a pilot for the last group. Shaw had refused to let her go stating if any problems did arise, she would be safe on the ship. Plus, someone needed to make Bellamy and Clarke talk to each other.

“I don’t know them well. At all.” They had been in Raven’s room talking when it came up. “But even I can see there’s something going on with them. Or was.” Raven didn’t even bother trying to deny it or explain it. That was a whole other issue. She would rather deal with hostile Grounders again. But she had agreed to at least get Bellamy and Clarke to be civil again.

The three of them would be part of the final group to go. Along with Octavia and Madi. And Diyoza. The last group consisted of mainly the Eligius prisoners; that’s why everyone thought she opted to wait. She was nearing her ninth month; they weren’t even sure if she could safely go to the ground. Abby had advised against it. They should wait till the baby was born. But no one knew how long that would take. Charmaine just wanted out. For herself and for her baby. The final group would be leaving a week after the second. It would give them just enough time to sort out any tensions between the Eligius group and the others. Charmaine was still their leader as far as anyone cared. What she said was law. Especially since those who had followed McCreary could have been refused entry onto the ship. They listened to nearly everything she said. Nearly.

Everything should have gone smoothly. For how well things had been, it felt almost like a betrayal when things did go wrong. All it took was one guy refusing to listen to Raven when she was explaining the mechanics of this last trip. They would need more help from the prisoners seeing as this last trip carried the most people. Raven wouldn’t be able to operate it all on her own. They had asked if anyone else knew anything about flying or shuttles. Turned out a few had been ex-pilots before they were prisoners. 2 of them volunteered to help. When it came to the morning before they left, it seemed 1 of the 2 had other plans.

It started when he started making remarks towards Raven. They were uncomfortable and she would have broken his jaw if he wasn’t needed. Once he had gotten away with that, he started making comments to all of Spacekru.

“What is your problem?” Octavia was the one he decided to really go after. He called her various names. Some even she wouldn’t repeat. She had tried ignoring him in the mess hall. In the halls. In the command center. Everywhere. It wasn’t until she had cornered him did he seem to get the message. “Leave. Me. Alone.” Octavia had turned to leave. The man decided that was a good time to touch her. Just as Bellamy had turned the corner down the hall, the man reached out and grabbed roughly at Octavia. His grip had been tight enough that she reeled back and punched out. Her fist connected with his jaw in seconds. Bellamy ran down the hall and pulled his sister back just in time to miss the man’s boot to her gut. “Bastard!” Octavia kicked out. Bellamy tugged her away as the man spat blood at her.

“Calm down! Both of you!” Bellamy pushed Octavia behind him, keeping her a safe distance away. “What is your problem?” He echoed Octavia’s question back to the prisoner. The man only spit blood onto the ground and walked off. Octavia had tried to get past her brother to follow; Bellamy kept a tight arm around her waist. “What was that? We need him to help pilot, O.”

She glared up at him. “ _He_ started it, Bellamy. You didn’t hear the comments he’s been making about all of us? He’s been going after me and Raven all damn day.” She told him every comment the prisoner had made. Every nasty name and word he had said to her and Raven.

It was how Bellamy ended up in the control room with the man strapped to a chair. “We don’t need him, we can manage without a second co-pilot.” Raven was more than a little bitter. Octavia was in deep agreement.

“You can’t kill him.” Diyoza looked almost bored with the whole thing. Her hand stayed put against her swollen stomach. “You kill him, there’ll be a mutiny.” No one wanted to admit how true it was. Madi reluctantly agreed with her. Eyes lingered on Bellamy as he considered what to do. How he ended up in charge, after everything, was beyond him.

Everyone seemed to be trusting him more and more. With the more memories he recalled, the easier it was for him to slip into a leadership role. Memories of being one of the leaders of the 100 seemed to stick with him more. It was easy for them to forget _he_ had forgotten anything. It was easy for him to try and forget too. No matter how much he remembered in the past month, something still seemed off. Wrong. He had pushed it away as much as he could. He still didn’t sleep much. His excuse was he had to make sure things were going smoothly.

“Don’t kill him.” Clarke spoke up from her corner; she sat closest to the door with Madi nearby. She had been packing herself and Madi up when Octavia had gathered her from her room. Octavia said she needed someone on her side. Clearly, it didn’t seem like they were on the same side. Again. Everyone looked directly at her as she glared at the prisoner. “We’ve killed enough people to last us multiple lifetimes. We can’t start a new one with more death. Put him in a cell or back in Cryo. Don’t kill him.” Octavia had looked at her like she lost her mind. As did Raven. And maybe Clarke had lost her mind. It wouldn’t be too surprising.

“Clarke’s right.” Bellamy was stood with his arms crossed. He sighed. “We need to put an end to needless murder. Even if he probably deserves it.” He looked to Raven then Octavia. Both had clenched jaws and fists. Clearly, they disagreed. But they wouldn’t speak out with this. They had all had enough with death and fighting. “Take him to a cell. Keep him there until we can figure out what to do with him.” It should have been easy. It really, really should have been easy. But this asshole just couldn’t let it be.

Right as Bellamy had unstrapped him- his hand still cuffed- Diyoza stood to escort him to his cell. She would need to explain to the rest of her people there would be no more fighting. No more war or hatred. If they wanted to act out, there would be punishment. She took ahold of his cuffed hands and began to lead him out. She moved just slow enough for the prisoner to reach out and grab her taser off her hip. It happened so quickly. Too quickly. He shoved Charmaine away and lunged for Bellamy. There was a deafening thud where Charmaine collapsed against a wall. Everyone reached forward at once. Octavia and Raven stumbled to grab Charmaine. Madi lunged at the man. Clarke moved quicker than all of them. She shoved Bellamy out of the way and barely caught the man’s hand. The taser scraped against her skin, shocking her. It was nothing like the shock collar. But it was a taser nonetheless and it dropped her to her knees. Bellamy tackled the man to the ground as she dropped.

Chaos erupted as Bellamy struggled to keep the man restrained. Clarke lay on the ground tense and jolting. Charmaine cried out. Raven and Madi panicked. With one solid punch to the head, Bellamy managed to incapacitate the man. He was breathing hard as he dropped his body and stood. Bellamy stumbled to Clarke, who was now still and groaning.

“Are you okay?” He held onto her arm and lifted her up. She trembled slightly as she nodded. He tried to believe her as she leaned heavily on him, let alone let him touch her. “Clarke look at me.” Panic rose in his chest. Her eye looked glazed over as she looked around. She had just taken a taser for him, she cared. She had to be okay.

“Di-,” She swallowed and tried to sit up on her arm, failing, “Diyoza.” It was then Bellamy realized the mentioned woman was groaning and gasping. Clarke leaned forward and awkwardly crawled her way to her. Bellamy hadn’t seen how Charmaine had landed or where she hit. From how she clutched at her stomach, it was nowhere good. “Madi, go get Abby.” The girl listened and took off in a dead sprint.

“No!” Diyoza reached out and clutch Clarke’s arm. It was near painful. “I don’t want her to deliver my baby.” Her hand tightened as she tensed up.

Clarke’s eyes widened. “Deliver? You think…?” A sharp nod was the answer. “Crap, okay.” Clarke tried her best to stand. Her knees shook the tiniest bit but she was steadied by Bellamy. She tried not to relax too much into the touch. “Raven, Octavia see if you can help Diyoza up.” The two women rushed to the pregnant one’s side. Each took one of her arms and wrapped their own around her waist. It seemed to work until Charmaine doubled over.

“I-I can’t walk.” Her usually strong and deep voice sounded meek and strained. Clarke’s eyes went immediately to the woman’s legs. Oh god.

“Bellamy grab her. Take her to the infirmary and lay her on one of the beds. Raven go tell my mother…” Her eyes never strayed from the red running down the khaki pants. “Tell her possible code yellow.” Raven didn’t need to be told anything else. She took off in the same direction Madi went. Bellamy let her go and she leaned against a chair. Everyone ignored the slight strained sound he made when he lifted Charmaine. He walked as hurriedly as he could; Clarke tried to follow behind. Apparently, she had taken more volts than she thought. Her knees buckled again and this time she was barely caught. By Octavia.

“Steady, Griffin,” Octavia said. She wrapped an arm around Clarke’s waist, letting her lean almost her complete weight onto her. “Bell, go!” She yelled to her brother who had stopped momentarily. He took off running again. The two women stumbled after him.

 ----

She was born mid-June 2281.

Everyone was terrified as Clarke and Abby tried to make the labor go smoothly. They had no time for an ultrasound or tests to be done. The baby was coming then and now. Diyoza had screamed and kicked out when Abby suggested a C-Section. They had no idea what might have happened. No idea what condition the baby would be in. From the blood loss Charmaine experienced, everything seemed bleak. Abby was a nervous wreck as she tried to help as much as she could. Clarke had packed away any worry or fear into the back of her mind. Her focus was stopping any internal bleeding and getting the baby out safely. Alive. It was how she ended up being the one to deliver baby Diyoza. The only ones allowed in the room originally were Abby and Clarke. When Charmaine expressed the need to punch or break something, Bellamy stepped in. He held her hands on the side of her heads; not restraining but keeping them from touching Clarke and Abby. Her hands were wrapped around his wrists. Bellamy was sure she probably fractured if not broke one of them. He let her do whatever damage she needed to as she pushed and screamed.

There was a moment of lucidity just as Clarke ‘caught’ the infant. Charmaine let out one last gasp before passing out. Abby had rushed Clarke aside to stop any bleeding. Clarke held onto the squirming, mewling infant. She looked at the child in her arms. Covered in blood, amniotic fluid, and everything else. The little girl wasn’t screaming or crying. Merely wriggling and making almost kitten like noises. Tears had welled in Clarke’s eyes and she couldn’t help the laugh she let out. She searched the room for a blanket to cover the baby in. “Hand,” She choked through her tears, “hand me the blanket behind you.” Bellamy let go of the unconscious woman’s arms and reached behind him. He quickly came around the bed and held out the blanket.

“How’s she looking Clarke?” Abby looked over her shoulder to her own daughter. She was making busy work of cleaning up the blood and finished delivering the afterbirth. It was a mess that made Bellamy’s stomach clench. It was then he realized how much blood there actually was. It covered everything. How Charmaine was still alive, he had no idea. But Abby seemed to know what she was doing as she stopped the bleeding and continued to care for Charmaine.

“She’s perfect mom.” Clarke used the blanket to wipe away the gunk from the baby’s face and mouth. She simply laid there and made not a single fuss. Clarke took a shaky breath as she was overwhelmed with emotions. Emotions she had tried to keep hidden for now. She looked up to Bellamy; his eyes had been on her the entire time. She smiled at him.

Bellamy felt like he might collapse when she looked at him. He had been dying to see that smile for so long, so damn long. He had wanted to see it since Mount Weather. Since she left him the first time and cracked his heart. Ever since she had left for Polis and met Lexa. When she chipped away at it again.  Her clearly loving someone else, not once but twice. When she sent him on countless death missions and refused to talk to him. Writing the list. That fucking list. When she refused to put her own name on it and he had to do it. When she had decided to lock him away and let his sister die in Praimfaya. When she aimed a gun at him. When he had to leave her for what felt like the last time.

When he found out she was alive after 6 years of mourning her. All he had wanted was to see that smile. Just once. It had only taken 125 years and him losing his memories.

She was still looking at him. “I know,” She whispered, “I know. I’m sorry.” What she was apologizing for, he didn’t know or care. As far as he knew, she had been forgiven the second he laid eyes on her when they had woken up from Cryo. He remembered the anger he felt. He remembered nearly everything now. He pulled Clarke close and wrapped his arms around her and the now sleeping baby. She leaned against his chest and let him hold her.

Charmaine would be okay. Her daughter was the healthiest baby Abby had ever seen; well that’s what she told the new mother. Charmaine had woken up 2 hours after the birth. By that point, the baby was still sleeping in Clarke’s arms. She and Bellamy had stayed in the room after Abby left. Clarke sat in the lone chair in the room, Bellamy on the floor by her legs. His head rested in her lap. As Charmaine woke up, she couldn’t help but think ‘ _finally you idiots_ ’ when she saw the three of them. She had wanted to stand and take her daughter. The tingling in her legs kept her from doing so. So, she laid there for a few minutes before Clarke noticed she woke up.

“Hey.” She said. She shook Bellamy’s shoulder, waking him. He sat up quickly and looked around for a threat. Seeing Charmaine awake, he calmed a little. He helped Clarke stand. Careful to not wake the sleeping infant. Gods knows the last thing they needed was for her to start screaming. Clarke walked the short distance and held out the bundle in her arms. “She has your nose.”

Charmaine scoffed and smiled. “Hopefully. Babies kind of look like smushed old men when their first born.” Clarke couldn’t help the laugh that came out. Charmaine took her daughter and pressed her face against her hair. “She’s got a lot of hair already. That’s good.” She closed her eyes and sighed. Bellamy felt like he was intruding on this moment. He touched Clarke’s shoulder and nodded towards the door. Maybe it was best to give them a moment. Clarke turned to follow him. “Do you want to know her name?” They looked back at Charmaine. She still had her eyes closed and her daughter as close as possible. “Shawna Terran Diyoza.” She stroked the baby’s hair and smiled.

“Gift of god, Earth man?” Bellamy smiled and shook his head. Of course, the first baby of this new generation of theirs deserved such a meaningful, mouthful of a name. Clarke playfully smacked a hand against his chest. He caught her hand and tugged her close; she leaned against him and sighed.

“My last name means ambitious, or something like that.” Charmaine shrugged. “Might as well give her a name just as fitting.” They laughed at that. Of course, this baby deserved a name just as fitting. She deserved a name she could conquer the world with.

They left her and the baby alone after that. They both needed rest and Abby would check on them soon. With everything that happened that morning alone, they decided it best to postpone the final ship to the ground. Many of the prisoners protested and wanted to go anyways. When word spread that Diyoza had given birth, they quieted down. They would only be postponing for another two days. Long enough for them to decide if another trip should be made specifically for Diyoza. But they would decide that later.

Right now, everyone just wanted rest. Clarke had washed herself of the blood and other fluids that had dried on her skin and clothes. Madi had said she wanted to sleep in Raven’s room that night. Clarke didn’t bother stopping her; she knew what she was up to. It was why she wasn’t upset or confused when she found Bellamy sitting outside her room. He couldn’t have been there for long. He had cleaned up too. She didn’t stop in front of him. Instead, continued into her room and laid on her bed. She didn’t care her hair was wet or she should probably handle other things first. She just wanted rest. “You coming?” She muttered just loud enough for Bellamy to hear. She closed her eyes and settled into the bed.

Bellamy sat for a moment. Was Clarke really letting him inside her room? Willingly? He took his chance and stood. He took the two steps it took to get into the room and looked down at her. Clarke kept her eyes shut. He could take Madi’s bed. She probably wouldn’t mind. He had turned towards that bed when he felt a hand touch his wrist. Clarke reached out and held onto him. The slightest of tugs and then he was being pulled down. He let himself be. Clarke pulled him down to her bed and right beside her.

They laid there, side by side. Clarke didn’t wait for him to get comfortable. She tucked her head under his chin and wrapped her arms tight around his hips. He welcomed the affection like anyone would air. He tried to keep the sobs in his throat there as he held onto her.

Gods, they had so much to talk about. So damn much. He needed to know what switched in her; why was she like this now? Why had she fought against him so hard before? They would have to deal with that later, though. He was content with this. He couldn't help but look down when Clarke shifted against him. Again, he was met with those eyes he could gladly drown in. He could feel her breath as she spoke.

"It's always been you."


	5. Whatever You Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter!   
> So, I want to do a short Q&A for this story. Would anyone submit questions for it? If so, comment them!  
> Thank you to everyone for sticking with this and reading it. I adore you all.

 

“What do you mean they want to speak to us now?”

Clarke sat up and rubbed furiously over her eyes. She tried to wake herself up as she climbed out of makeshift bed and searched for her pants. Madi still slept soundly in her own bed, she didn’t want to wake her. The poor girl had been exhausted when she came into the tent the night before. Being the new Commander had taken a lot out of her physically and mentally.

“Their leader just arrived. She brought with her the two people from before and a few other.” Bellamy pulled on his own jacket and tossed Clarke hers. He had been out near one of the gardens when Octavia had come sprinting his way. She seemed worried and gone straight to her big brother when she saw people. She and Miller had switched guard shifts when she spotted them. A woman, two companions, and a handful of others. Bellamy had tensed when he saw her running. Though their relationship was strained, it seemed to be mending itself slowly. With every day that passed, Octavia seemed to be returning back to the sister he knew and loved. And his memories returned in full. It took the full week since they joined the others on the ground for everything to resurface.

It was what made accepting Octavia back into his life easier. He remembered how the nearly sacrificed herself for him. And Indra and Gaia. She had let Abby and Kane live. She willingly gave up power of Wonkru to Madi. It was how he found himself loving her more than hating the part of her that would always be Blodreina. When she told him of the newcomers, he instantly dictated orders. Their settlement was much like Arkadia. He ordered for the gates to be opened and for everyone to stand down. The last thing they needed was someone shooting the people who could help them. Thankfully, they all listened. His next move had been to wake Clarke as soon as possible. Miller had come running after Octavia; he had spoken to their leader.

“She wants to speak to whoever is in charge. I-,” Miller looked a little lost, “I didn’t know whether to get you and Clarke or…or the Commander.” Bellamy had nodded in understanding. Ever since they all had regrouped, it became clear the power dynamic would never be like it was. Madi had to go as far as tell those who would only listen to her to listen to Bellamy and Clarke like they would her. Anyone who disobeyed would be dealt with later. It was why he went immediately to Clarke’s- their? - tent. He knew Madi would be there too. It was better to have them both there just in case.

Clarke didn’t think having Madi present was a good idea. “We don’t know who they are, Bellamy. Sure, they left some cool tech when they visited last time. But that was 3 of them, there’s more now.” She argued as she tried to keep quiet.

“They want everyone who’s in charge. That’s us 3. It would include your mom if she had come down with us and Diyoza if she hadn’t abdicated her part.”  Abby had made it clear she wasn’t going down to the new planet. She had enough with planet’s and people. She would stay there until she found a way to make sure Kane would survive out of Cryo. That was a difficult decision for them all to make. Ultimately, it was Diyoza who made it for them. She wanted off Eligius forever and for her daughter to have a new life. As a mother, she could understand Abby’s side somewhat. As a leader, she understood they all needed to go down if it meant leaving Abby. As soon as Charmaine did get to the ground, she made it clear she no longer wanted to be in control. She wanted no part of being a leader. Just wanted to see her daughter live and grow.

“Madi is just a kid. We don’t know what they’ll do still.” Clarke still refused to listen. She had lightened up as a mother but still didn’t like everyone looking to her daughter like she was some savior of theirs.

“A kid that Wonkru listens to.” Bellamy refused to let her leave the tent just yet. He stood at the entrance with his arms crossed.

Clarke opened her mouth to rebut. “A kid that’s awake too.” She shut it when they heard Madi’s voice. The girl stretched on her bed and looked at the two of them. “What’s going on?” Clarke sighed and went over to her. She took in the knotted mess that was Madi’s hair and the discarded cape of the Commanders she had used as a blanket. Thankfully, she had gotten rid of the bhindi. Madi had said it felt like a costume too many had worn before her. A Commander shouldn’t have a set outfit to wear just to rule their people.

“You should go back to sleep. You’ve been working yourself too hard.” Clarke smoothed down her hair and sat next to her. Madi wasn’t having it; she looked up at Bellamy. He had a soft spot for her and couldn’t keep it from her.

“The leader of the people who are already here. Simone? She’s back with more people.” Madi’s eyes widened and she clambered out of bed. It was less than graceful as she hurried back into her clothes. “We don’t know why they’re here or what they want. But they want to speak to the 3 of us.” He watched as Clarke gave up and helped Madi find her clothes.

They ended up meeting the group at the gate entrance. The woman they assumed was Simone stood at the front of the group. There was maybe 9 people in total, all wearing various shades of grey, black, and white. Clarke immediately understood what Emori had meant about otherworldly. Simone herself looked like something Clarke could only dream of painting. The others in the group were just as stunning in their own ways. She couldn’t help the intimidation she felt well in her; for all she knew, this could be another Mount Weather scenario. She sincerely hoped it wasn’t.

“Welcome.” Bellamy had been the one to address them. Clarke stayed on his right; Madi directly behind her. Behind them, everyone. Once word had spread of people coming, the few hundred left of them gathered. Bellamy knew if her turned around, he’d see his sister in front of them all. Next to her would be Raven, John, Emori and Echo. Miller and Jackson behind them. They were all there. All worried to see what these people would do. What they could do.

“I think it is I who should be welcoming you.” Simone’s voice had struck them all deep. It was the voice of someone who would not be trifled with. It was the voice of someone far more experienced and wiser than any of them. A true leader.

Bellamy tried not to be phased or let on his intensifying fear. “Maybe so.” He watched the way Simone seemed to be scanning them all. Her eyes seemed to flicker from face to face. Careful. Calculating. “I am Bellamy Blake. This is my partner, Clarke Griffin.” He didn’t miss the way Clarke clutched at the back of his jacket. “And Madi. We were told you wanted to speak to us.” Simone watched them all and cocked her head.

“You are the leaders of your people.” It wasn’t a question. Clarke held her hand out behind her and pulled Madi behind her more. Simone didn’t miss it. “We will do you no harm. We are here with rations, bedding, tech, anything you might need. My people do no want any qualms.”

True to her word, Simone dispatched her people out. Bellamy told her who was best to do what job in his group; Simone’s people went to those. A man with markings along his cheekbones and jaw went towards Raven and Shaw. He and two others carried backpacks with them. It must have been tech with the awed look that came over Raven’s face. The woman Simone had with her before went to Jackson and Miller. She held medicine in her pack and many, many questions. The remaining members of the group carried what could only be bedding and rations. Murphy and Emori led those with food towards their garden area. John had become quite the farmer once he had gotten bored weeks ago. He kept Jordan with him almost constantly; the other showed him what he had learned from his father to help farming. Octavia and Echo, though weary, led those who had blankets and clothing. Octavia made a small comment about the blankets when a woman with the palest eyes she’d ever seen handed them over.

Simone and one other were the only ones left. “This is my partner, Morgan.” Simone introduced them. It was clear to Clarke this person was one of the people Simone brought with her before. She could see how Emori and John hadn’t been sure if they were a man or woman. Their androgynous features left something to be imagine. And their height. They made Bellamy look short. Something otherworldly. She found her fingers itching for a pencil and paper. “They were the one who saw your first ship, when there were only a few of you. They saw her, first.” Simone’s eyes landed on Clarke. She felt the need to step back and take Madi away from there. “We weren’t sure what would happen once you left your pod. It was a welcomed surprise when you didn’t die.”

Clarke tried to keep her face neutral. “I’ll take that as a good sign.” Simone nodded towards her. “Why did you want to meet with us?” Madi had moved from behind her; Clarke shifted so she wasn’t under Simone’s gaze.

“You’re protective of your family. I understand why.” She took a step forward. Everyone shifted back. “So, you much understand why I wanted to meet the people who are intruding on our world.” Bellamy turned slightly to look at Clarke. She tried to read his expression to no avail. “Like I said, we will do you no harm. As long as your people agree to the same. We will assist in any way that we can. You’ve chosen the good months to come down. If you had all came during your first initial grounding, you would have perished in the cold.” Clarke had to believe her. She remembered how damn cold it had been the first few nights they were there months ago. When she had been outside alone, she thought she would get hypothermia. Who knows how everyone else would fair?

“Are your people the only ones?” Madi had finally spoken up. Simone looked down at her, a curious look on her face. Morgan’s eyes did the same but there was a look of…awe? They seemed to not understand who or what Madi was.

Simone shook her head lightly. “There are many groups, many cities and people. You happen to land in the center of neutral ground.” At the very least, they wouldn’t have to fight anyone for the land. “Your people are in the middle of 3 cities, for lack of a better word. My people are just the first to see and welcome you.” Madi nodded. She then turned her attention towards Morgan, who looked away the second she looked at them.

“Are the others like your people? Will they be angry or start a war with us?” Clarke said. “Will they even want to meet with us?” No matter what, she wanted peace. They knew this planet had to have inhabitants; she was glad so far that Simone’s people wanted the same as her.

Morgan then chose to speak. They turned towards Simone and said something. Something in a language that made Trig sound like baby talk. Clarke shared a concerned look with Bellamy, then Madi. Of course, these people would have their own language. Centuries had passed. Why wouldn’t they evolve from English? Simone seemed to sense the new tension and smiled. “They mean no harm.” She splayed her fingers out in a surrender motion. “Many of our people speak English. I think most of the others do as well. Each of us has our own language. I imagine your people do as well?”

Madi tugged on Clarke’s hand. She looked at the girl who seemed to be pleading with her eyes. Clarke sighed and nodded. “Trig, Trigedasleng.” Madi spoke. “We had 13 Clans at one point. Each one’s Trig is slightly different than the rest.” Simone nodded. Morgan bent down slightly, coming eye level with Madi. Clarke put her arm in front of the girl; Bellamy shifted closer to them.

“Could you teach it to us?” Their own voice was heavily accented. They looked up to Clarke, then back to Madi. “If this is okay with your mother and father.” Clarke’s eyes went wide, Bellamy coughed out a choke. Madi didn’t even try to hide the smile on her face.

She looked at Morgan and nodded. “I’d like that.” She said. “If you can teach me yours. Teach us all.”

Morgan smiled, showing nearly blinding white teeth. “Then we have a deal, Madi.” They held out their hand. Madi took it and shook. Clarke watched the exchange rigid nerves. She nearly jumped between the two when Morgan held out their hand. Madi seemed less than worried. She knew Madi could handle herself, could decide things for herself. But it didn’t help the nerves and anxiety that came with raising her.

“I’d like to speak with the two of you.” Simone directed towards Bellamy and Clarke. They looked to her. “I have some questions for you. As I’m sure you have for me.” They both nodded. Simone placed a hand on Morgan’s shoulder. “If you would allow it, Morgan has an interest in looking at your people. Studying how you all interact, live, function as a people.” Clarke ground her teeth.

“Would we be able to do the same with your people?” Bellamy spoke. His arms were crossed tight, his stance tight. “It is fair, after all.” There seemed to be a moment between him and Simone. They seemed to stare one another down.

Simone sighed. “Alright.” She relented. “My city is a three-day hike from here. There are thousands of us. If you’d like to have some of your people come and visit. Maybe even consider residence there, I can make it happen. We just need time.” Clarke couldn’t help the scoff she made. Simone raised an eyebrow and shifted her gaze to her.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but this sounds too good to be true.”

Simone nodded. “Then we should discuss, privately.”

 -------

They ended up in the tent that became the center of the settlement. It doubled as Raven’s workshop and where they met to discuss any problems in the group. Bellamy leaned against the workbench. Clarke kept to his right. Madi had begged Clarke to let her show Morgan around. With intense reluctance, she allowed it. Only if John and Echo were with them. Other than Bellamy, she trusted them to keep Madi safe. Though she was sure any of Wonkru would snap in an instant if Madi looked in danger. Simone and Morgan had exchanged words in their language; it only made Clarke tenser.

“I want to know what happened to Earth.” Simone looked around the tent as she spoke. Every once in a while, she’d stop and pick up something like she had never seen it before. Maybe she hadn’t.  “It’s been well over 200 years since my people had been on that planet. Our ancestors kept it very quiet what happened there. I’m curious to know what made them flee and abandon their mission.” She picked up a stray bullet shell. Raven and Shaw had been making them earlier that day and a few harmless ones were scattered on the workbench. “War. I wanted to know what this war was. Why they made it clear we would be peaceful and do no harm. My people have not waged a war or fought in all its history.” She sighed. “I want to know how bad things must have been for them.” Bellamy and Clarke exchanged a look.

“You’ve never fought before? Never had an issue with the other cities?” Bellamy said. He sounded like he couldn’t believe Simone.

She seemed to sense that. “There may have been 1 or 2 problems before. But nothing to where blood was shed. Alliances have been made and broken. Cities created, taken apart, and made a new.” She traced the bullet shell with her nail. “No war. No blood. No death. It’s what we have imprinted in us since birth.” She looked at them. “So, what made them this way? Something tells me you know more than enough. You wouldn’t be on this planet if you didn’t.”

Bellamy sighed. “What do you want to know first?” It was a fair trade, he thought. Give her the answers she wanted, find out why she wanted his people watched so closely.

Simone tossed the bullet to him. He caught it between his fingers. “Tell me about the end of the world.”

Clarke snatched the bullet from his hand. “Which time?”

 ------

It had been 3 months since Clarke told the story of the end of the world. All 3 times it ended. It took nearly 2 days to answer every question Simone had. Bellamy and Clarke answered them as best they could. Charmaine had to be called for when Simone asked about before A.L.I.E nuked Earth. Especially about any questions having to do with Eligius. That in itself took a whole day. Simone had left the camp with more questions than she had come with. She wanted written records of everything they were telling her. She needed to share with everyone.

“We will be back. Soon. I will send word before we arrive.” She had given them a communicator. It was a small handheld device with a glowing screen. “It’ll give you the messages I send.” She and her people left 3 days after they came. They had left behind anything they could want or need. Raven had been ecstatic at the tech they gave her. She hadn’t been so about the medical tech they told her about. She was meant to pass it on to Abby.

Abby, who still remained on the Eligius ship with Marcus. She refused to leave him.

“They can fix me. My leg.” She had met with everyone in the main tent once Simone’s people left. She and Emori had spent the last few days going over any tech they were shown. They were trying to understand it. “They have the technology and medicine needed to fix my spine, my leg. Who knows what or who else. Even the Eligius prisoners that are still sick.” Maybe to anyone else, she sounded hopeful. To everyone in the tent, she was conflicted. Scared, maybe. Shaw had a comforting hand on her arm as she spoke.

“They’ll be able to help Kane.” Clarke said. “My mom can finally come down here.” She smiled and tried not to be too hopeful at once. Raven nodded towards her.

“I’ll radio Abby then.”

 ------

Abby joined them 2 weeks later. It took much convincing and a rushed trip up to the Eligius ship to get her to come down. Simone returned the week prior with Morgan and the woman from before. Jules was her name. She was the head physician at the main hospital in their city. “She is more than capable of fixing your friend.” Simone had assured. Jules would be going on the mission to retrieve Abby and Marcus. Simone was showing them absolute trust. She wouldn’t be sending more of her people, only Jules. Marcus would be stabilized enough to bring him down to the new planet. Then he would be brought to their hospital and receive the best care they could give.

“He will live.” Jules had promised the day they would be leaving. It would be her, Raven, Shaw, Jackson, and Miller making the trip. Clarke had desperately wanted to go; she wanted to see her mother. But they needed to bring few people. They could trust those who would be going. It still made her uneasy as she watched the dropship leave the atmosphere.

“They’ll be fine. You know Raven won’t let anything happen to Abby or Marcus.” They were in the tent. Their tent? The tent he, Clarke, and Madi seemed to coexist in. Madi was fast asleep in her bed, for once. Clarke couldn’t sleep. Bellamy didn’t mind being awake; he’d been having weird dreams again. “Clarke, things are settling down. No war, no fighting. We gotta enjoy it for a moment.” He brushed the stray hair from her face. They were laying on their sides next to each other. Clarke looked like she was lost in her mind.

“You’re sounding like the heart again.” She held onto his hand when he rested it on her cheek. She was so tired. Sleep wouldn’t come though. She had too much on her mind, too much to worry about. Even with Madi safe, asleep just feet from her she found herself anxious and waiting or anything to go wrong. She had spent 6 years thinking she and Madi were the only people left on Earth. Then she was thrusted back into a two front war she wanted no part in. Yes, she had her friends and family back. Yes, things were calm and even the Eligius group were being civil. She couldn’t find herself enough time to calm down.

“You’re thinking too much with your head again.” Bellamy tapped at her forehead. “I know this is tough. Tough and incredibly insane. I doubt anyone on the Ark ever thought we would end up here.” She sighed and nodded. He moved his hand from her face and wrapped his arm around her shoulders instead. They still had a lot to talk about. So damn much. He still wanted to hear about the thousands of radio calls she had made to him. He wanted to know how she and Madi survived alone for 6 years. There was so much that had happened he still didn’t know about. Clarke had her own questions. They definitely needed to find out where they stood with one another. They had been as close as they had been before Praimfaya. Things still caused friction when brought up and it took time for Spacekru to trust her again. But he was more than willing to spend the rest of his life mending all of it. “Tell you what. Once your mom and Kane are here and safe, we talk to Simone. Ask her about any other neutral ground.”

Clarke looked at him, not understanding. “For what?”

“For a home. I don’t know about you,” He squeezed her shoulders, “But I’d like a home. A house. Four walls and a roof. I’m a little over the glorified camping we’ve been doing for years and I could do without being in space ever again.” He laid back against the bed and closed his eyes. He wouldn’t be asleep until he knew Clarke was too. But it was nice to just relax for moment. Really, only a moment. Clarke’s lack of response made him open his eyes and look at her. As always, she looked deep in thought. “Did I say something wrong?” He half sat up and looked down at her.

Clarke shook and lifted her head. “So a home.” He nodded. “Together.” Not a question. Again, he nodded. “You, me, and Madi.” Nod. “A house for the three of us. Together.” Bellamy nodded again.

“Why do I feel like you’re not understanding this all?” Bellamy said, a little more than worried. “A house for the three of us.”

Clarke nodded this time. She sat up completely and sat on her knees. “With Octavia too. Right? You have the whole your sister, your responsibility thing still, right? And Jordan. If Murphy ever lets him out of his sight.”

“Jordan. Octavia. Murphy. Everyone. If that’s what you want.” She lunged forward. Bellamy took the impact easily and let her wrap her arms around his neck. He brought his own tight around her waist.

“Whatever I want?” She sounded like she was crying. He felt the intense need to comfort her, give her every and anything she could want. He pressed a feather light kiss to her hair.

 

“Whatever the hell you want, Princess.”


	6. Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The emotional Bellarke talk we all needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SIKE!  
> I totally thought last chapter would be the end. But no. Someone pointed out I left a crucial part of the story so guess what? I'm posting the completely unedited version right now. Love it? Hate it? Let's do this.

 

Abby knew something was going on the second she stepped off the ship.

She had seen her daughter happy before. Happy, sad, angry, full of hatred. She’d even seen Clarke look at her with disgust and hatred. But she hadn’t seen her like this before. Clarke was…thriving. She was happy. Abby could see the worry etched into her daughter’s face still, see the tress that would never leave her. But it was nothing compared to the smile she would see more and more. With Marcus in stable condition, Abby finally took a moment to just be with Clarke. She didn’t feel the need to worry or care anymore. Not with Jackson quickly surpassing her in the medical field, with the tech they were given from the indigenous people. She could take a breath and not worry about anyone dying while she did so. It was a first in 6 years.

It was why she was more than surprised when she saw Bellamy with her daughter. Bellamy Blake had been someone she would likely never get along with. Not when he was the only one protecting Clarke on Earth, not when he was a soldier under Pike, definitely not when he and Clarke disobeyed direct orders and went to Mount Weather. But, she could trust him just enough to look out for Clarke. She could see something between them had changed when she came back. They were almost always together. They moved around each other, like magnets. They made decisions together. Worked together like partners. In every sense of the word.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on between you and Bellamy?” She cornered Clarke. They were alone for once in the medical tent. Clarke had been taking inventory when Abby came in. To say she was caught off guard was the least of it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, mom.” She was counting vials of antibiotics Jules had left for them. Abby merely rolled her eyes and stopped her from walking away. She crossed her arms and looked at her with only a look a mother could give. “There’s nothing going on. We’re just…” She raised her hands and splayed her fingers in a ridiculous way. “We’re just us.”

Abby raised an eyebrow. “Alright.” She uncrossed her arms. “Can I start calling Madi my granddaughter then? I see she’s taken Griffin as her last name.” Clarke sighed.

“Yeah. You can call her that.” She said. Abby just smiled and patted her arm before leaving. Clarke closed her eyes briefly and set down the vials. Sometimes, her mother just knew what things she did absolutely not want to talk about. And knew exactly when to try to talk about them. But, Clarke mussed, she did have some points. As a mother it was her right to worry about who her daughter was with. But was she even with Bellamy? Really? She was sure if anyone would have brought it up before Praimfaya she would be just as confused as now. He was her best friend if anything. She hadn’t really had one since Wells and Bellamy had been there for her for so much. He never left her side and tried to do right by her. He had forgiven her for unspeakable things she had done.

Right?

Had he forgiven her? They hadn’t talked about it. Other than the fight they had when he said he loved her. “I’m an idiot.” She smacked herself in the forehead.

“Normally I’d agree with that but something tells me this is different.” She quickly turned to see John entering the tent. “What’s up, Griffin?” He leaned against a table as he waited.

“I-uh. Bellamy.” She couldn’t seem to find the correct words. John made a motion telling her to go on. “Bellamy. He- he loves me.” She looked at him pleading for some kind of answer.

John laughed. “Yeah, okay? Did you just get that?” Clarke’s lack of response and near embarrassed look on her face made him sober up quick. “You are really an idiot. Yeah, Bellamy loves you. Has since…” He gestured broadly. “Forever? Since you guys became mom and dad of the 100?” She still didn’t look like she believed him. “Yeah Clarke. Through Finn, Gina, Lexa, hell even Echo. He loved you. Loves. Even I could see that and you guys tried to kill me multiple times.”

She rolled her eyes. “Cockroach.”

“Look who’s talking.” He tapped her shoulder with his fist. “But seriously. Bellamy loves you and even emotionally constipated me can see that. And something tells me you feel somewhat the same.” He had that grin on his face when he knew he was right. “Talk to him. You guys practically live together and spend almost every second together.”

“We do no-.”

“Talk to him.” He interrupted her argument. “Things are going good. Even for me. What’s stopping you from making them great?” He waited for a response. Clarke continued the internal struggle as he waited, casually looking at everything in the tent.

“You’re going to stand there till I talk to him, aren’t you?” She said. The shit eating grin and nod were her only response. “Fine.” She sighed. John took one step aside for her to leave the tent. She brushed past him quickly. Just as she stepped out of the tent it dawned on her: she didn’t know where Bellamy was. For the past few months, she had been so hyperaware of where he was. But now she had no idea.

“He’s in your tent. Something about needed a nap.” John said as he stuck his head out of the tent. She nodded and made her way there as quick as possible.

True to what John said, Bellamy was in her tent. He was sprawled on her- their? – bed. He looked exhausted as his chest rose and fell, his eyes stayed closed. She wasn’t sure he was even awake when she entered. Clarke felt a little bad now. Bellamy had been working tirelessly setting up huts, houses, anything that could be built in their small territory. Once they had been cleared with Simone and the Leaders of the other cities to build, they did. Bellamy of course had taken it upon himself to do the same and worked nonstop. Clarke had kept busy while he was away; she had quickly become one of the doctors of the group. Abby and Jackson made sure she picked right back up with it. They would need more doctors if the population grew; with Simone welcoming them to use their hospital, it was bound to happen. Mainly she had stayed with Charmaine and helped her with any problems Shawna showed. And Jordan. The poor boy needed a mother figure sometimes. Clarke knew she would never replace Harper, she never wanted to. But the boy was lost most days. He didn’t know what to do with himself.

Clarke was doubting herself now. Maybe this could wait. Bellamy needed rest badly and she didn’t need to interrupt it. She made a move to leave the tent when she heard him shifting around. “Clarke?” She gritted her teeth and turned slowly.

“Hey.” He blinked a few times and rubbed at his face. “Sorry, go back to sleep. This can wait till later.” But Bellamy was already sitting up and shaking his head.

“No. What is it?” He rubbed the last bit of sleep from his eyes. “I’m up now. No point in waiting to talk.” He sat at the edge of the bed with his head leaning on hand. Clarke’s nerves were definitely getting to her. She felt like her nerves were alight as she tried to think of what to say. _Come on Griffin_ , she berated herself, _you’ve survived the apocalypse twice you can do this_.

“We need to talk.” Bellamy looked lost. “About us.” No longer lost. He sat up straighter and gave her his full attention. She gave a half shrug and ran a hand through her hair. “I didn’t think I’d ever have this conversation. With you. Anyone. I mean things were so cut and clean before, even with Finn. I didn’t have to really question anything.” Without much thought, she started swaying slightly on her feet. Side to side to try and stabilize her thoughts. “Hell, I didn’t even need to question anything period. Everyone else made it clear if I was with them or not. Even when they were a cheating bastard.” They both shared a small laugh at that. “Lexa was confusing but she made her point clear.”

“And I haven’t?” Bellamy raised an eyebrow. He had a look of disbelief on his face. “If I remember correctly, which could mean nothing, I did tell you I loved you. Quite clearly right before you told me I didn’t.” Clarke wrapped her arms around her stomach and hugged herself. Gods, she was really an idiot.

“Do you really forgive me? For everything?” She pressed. “For almost getting everyone killed? For making you murder a woman who may or may not have deserved it? For being why you poisoned your own sister?” She was rambling, she knew. But before she could admit anything, she needed to know how he really felt. If he really forgave her. “I left you behind in Polis. I left you, Indra, even Gaia behind to die. And we both know I wouldn’t take it back. Could you forgive me for that?”

Bellamy felt the knot that formed in his stomach tighten. He had said they would talk about everything else later. But gods, he didn’t want to talk about this now. But they needed to. Things would only become unstable if they didn’t. “No.” He ran a hand over his face. “No, I couldn’t. I couldn’t forgive you.” Clarke sucked in a breath and he could see she shook slightly. “Before all of this,” He gestured around, “Before we came here. Before we met Simone and her people. Before I lost my memory. No, I couldn’t forgive you. I didn’t want to. Madi told me I should, that as the Commander I had to listen to her. But I couldn’t.” His shoulders sagged and he leaned forward. “Why would I? I thought you were dead for 6 years. I mourned you, couldn’t even look at my friends because of it. Because you weren’t there.” His previous words echoed in her mind. “And then you were. And it should have been like you were always there and just brought Madi with you. But it wasn’t. You were so different and yet the same Clarke Griffin as always.” He looked up at her. Clarke swallowed hard.

“Bellamy, I didn’t think I’d ever see you guys again.” She whispered. Her throat was tight as she tried to remain calm.

“I know. I didn’t think I’d see you. Imagine my surprise when I see you’ve been alive this whole time, have a kid, and of course found a way to become someone’s prisoner. And I was there to save you like always.” A sad smile. “And I did the one thing you asked me not to. I let Gaia put the Flame in Madi’s head. And you left me for dead. You worked with our enemy and got my family nearly killed.” The slightest hint of anger was in his voice. It still stung Clarke like a fresh cut. “But, I almost got yours killed, didn’t I? Madi was your only family and I almost got her killed.” He rubbed his hands over his thighs as he thought about what to say next. “I can forgive you. Part of me, the part that is afraid you’ll up and leave like before, doesn’t want to. It’s the same part that will always be weary of Octavia. I can trust you now. I can forgive you for now. But…”

“But you don’t know about later. If it’ll all be worth it then.” Clarke finished. He met her wet eyes and nodded.

He reached out for her hand and held onto it. “I loved you, love you now. I trust you now. I can forgive you for now. Just as much as you can trust and forgive me.” He squeezed her hand lightly in assurance. Clarke felt like her breath was stuck in her throat. Bellamy was willing to give her 3 things she almost never had at once. Trust. Love. _Forgiveness._ She remembered a time when she had given him the same. When he had tried before to do the same. And she rejected it. And yet he had willingly gone after her the second he thought she was in danger. Bellamy was right, he had saved her so many times. Again and again. He came after her. The one time he had left her was when it became absolutely necessary. When she was more than willing to die for him and their friends, their family.

“Madi won’t let me be mad at you about the Flame. She insists it was her choice.” She choked out. “I understand why you did it. I do. It’s the same reason I tried to make a deal with McCreary. Why I’m sure you were willing to poison Octavia to protect Madi.” Hurriedly, she wiped away the lone tear that fell down her cheek. “I forgave you instantly when you made the call to leave me during Praimfaya. I was ready to die. You forgave me, somehow, when I broke the alliance during the Conclave. Even when I held a gun to you.” She continued to wipe at her eyes. “Can I forgive you?” She looked at the roof. There was a sinking feeling in her gut. Whatever she said, would be dire. It might be the deciding factor for them. “You’re willing to forgive me and say you love,” she choked on the word, “even after I rejected you time and time again. Knowingly and not.” She ran her hand through her hair and gripped at her scalp. The feeling she had kept buried dug its way through her chest.

The same feeling she had felt when she saw Bellamy for the first time in 6 years. Holding that stupid cup and illuminated by headlights. Relief. Hope. Ache. She couldn’t wipe away the tears now. Bellamy stood quickly and tried to do so. Clarke kept his hands from touching her face and looked up at him. She couldn’t believe everyone else had seen this before she did.

“I can. I can forgive you. I spent 6 damn years thinking of everything I could have said to you and said them over radio calls you would never get. Yes, I can forgive you.” She wrapped her arms tight around him and sobbed into his chest. She had been emotionally stunted for years. Everything coming to the surface now was making her chest ache and her body exhausted. She deserved a good cry damnit. Bellamy agreed. He held her as she cried. Stroking her hair and rubbing soothing circles on her back. There was nothing but relief in his heart.

“I love you, Clarke Griffin.” He kissed her hair. She only cried harder into his shirt. “You don’t have to say it. I know, I know.” He brought them down to sitting on the bed. Clarke more or less sitting in his lap. They both needed this more than anything honestly. Just a good cry and to get everything out. Bellamy would never deny he shed a few tears too. Who could blame him?

“Love you too.” Clarke sounded so tired and drained. Honestly, Bellamy couldn’t ever remember if he had ever heard the word ‘love’ coming from Clarke. He had the faintest of memories of her saying it about Abby or Lexa. But saying it directly to someone? He couldn’t think of a single time.

They ended up taking that nap Bellamy had badly needed. When Madi came into the tent a few hours later, she found them curled together. Clarke had her arms tight around Bellamy’s middle. His own arms kept her as close as humanly possible. Madi could see the tear marks on their cheeks and the slight flush on Clarke’s. She didn’t need to know what exactly happened, just enough to know they finally got over themselves. She couldn’t be more than happy for them then. Maybe they didn’t need to say anything to anyone else. But at the very least, they could finally admit whatever they were to each other and themselves.

Madi was more than happy the next day when they told her about having a home. For the three of them. And anyone else who wanted to come with. She tried not to show her excitement when Clarke had reached on her toes to press a kiss to Bellamy’s cheek. Or when he wrapped his arms around her from behind the day after. Whatever she had missed between them was worth it. She brought it up briefly the day they were moving their few things into the house they had finished building. It was a small two bedroom for now. It could be added on at some point if they wanted.

“Y’know, I think Bellamy losing his memory might have been a good thing.” She told them. They were setting up Madi’s room. Clarke had looked at her like she had sprouted wings. Bellamy only laughed. “I mean, it brought you guys closer. He remembered you through everything else, Clarke.” She smiled at them.

Bellamy reached out and pulled them close to him. “I’d remember Clarke anywhere, any day. Like I’m sure I would never forget you Madi.” He wrapped his arms around the both of them. The two welcomed to affection. Clarke was glad things finally worked out. She was getting the little bit of happiness she had so desperately wanted before. She had Madi. The family she hadn’t known she wanted before. A daughter she would never let any harm come to and would love even when she had long since passed. And Bellamy. The love she had been looking for long before she knew she wanted it. Even when she had given up on it, he had been there. Hadn’t given up on her. So, maybe Madi was right. Maybe Bellamy losing his memory temporarily had been a good thing. Maybe one of the best things to happen. But would she admit it aloud? Not a chance. She just wouldn’t let herself think of what would have happened if it hadn’t.


End file.
